Navigating Aging: Overcoming Challenges and Adjusting to Life Changes with Empathy and Gratitude

The journey of aging can bring about transformations in individuals’ physical health, mental faculties, and social dynamics – changes that often catch people off guard due to society’s fixation on youth.

Clinical psychologist Erlene Rosowsky, who specializes in geriatric psychology, asserts that this obsession with youth perpetuates the illusion of control over aging, diverting attention away from its realities. Ageism is prevalent in society, she notes, making people believe they can postpone or avoid aging.

However, when individuals begin to experience the tangible effects of aging, younger generations might struggle to comprehend their plight. My 80-year-old mother, for instance, was surprised by her need to perform daily knee exercises to maintain mobility. “I didn’t realize growing old would be such a chore,” she admitted.

Adapting to this new reality can be challenging, especially when one has been averse to physical activities. Yet, my mother persevered and continues to execute her exercise regimen today.

Rosowsky, who is 82 herself, acknowledges that the body undergoes changes in appearance, health, cognitive abilities, and mobility as people age. However, she stresses that these physical transformations are not insurmountable hurdles. Rosowsky has adjusted to her changed physique without dwelling on it. While she used to enjoy cross-country skiing, her advanced age prevents her from hitting the trails anymore. Instead, she continues to engage in research and writing.

Arielou Marcy, 86, has experienced significant life changes recently. Living without her husband of 62 years has been a challenging transition for her. However, Marcy lives with one of her daughters, shares her home with two dogs and four cats, and enjoys the company of supportive neighbors and friends.

Marcy grapples daily with scoliosis – a curvature of the spine that affects her posture and causes discomfort at times. Despite these challenges, she refuses to let this condition dictate her life. She takes painkillers and attends physical therapy sessions regularly, and she still participates in her long-standing yoga classes.

Marcy emphasizes the importance of appreciating one’s abilities rather than lamenting lost ones. “Be thankful for what you can do,” she advises, encouraging people not to dwell on their limitations. Living with one of her children helps keep her optimistic, as she contributes to maintaining the household and caring for the pets.

Communication between adult children and aging parents can be fraught with misunderstandings. Adult children may find it challenging to empathize with their parents’ experiences because they haven’t yet faced those challenges themselves. This lack of empathy can lead to frustration on both sides.

Rosowsky suggests that adult children can help their aging parents navigate life’s vicissitudes by adopting a more empathetic attitude. She encourages active listening and asking the parent how they would like to spend time together. If a parent is struggling with changes in health, for example, she recommends acknowledging their struggles rather than imposing solutions.

When it comes to dietary changes, Rosowsky advises striking a balance between providing information and avoiding excessive nagging. It’s essential to ensure that older adults have the necessary resources to manage their diets effectively, but it’s crucial not to undermine their autonomy by micromanaging their food choices.

Lastly, Rosowsky emphasizes the therapeutic value of storytelling in fostering connections between elderly individuals and caregivers. By inviting older adults to share stories about their lives, caregivers can create a more equal dynamic that empowers the elder and improves communication.

Sometimes, however, practical advice conflicts with actual implementation. Arielou Marcy, for instance, is resisting pressure to declutter her home, arguing that she shouldn’t have to part with cherished possessions accumulated over a lifetime. She values these items, including an old rocking horse belonging to her late husband as a child, a teacup from her grandmother, and artwork created by her daughters.

While Marcy is usually open to adjustments, she admits that there are times when she resists change. Yet, she remains determined to maintain her autonomy and independence throughout the aging process.